


a collection of bruises

by mnemememory



Series: internal bleeding [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, and i saw fen for like two seconds, i love these two, this was legit written the moment the stream ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemememory/pseuds/mnemememory
Summary: "I thought I was going to marry her."or; Fen is cold and tired, and Reani is the brightest thing in her life (until she isn't).





	a collection of bruises

...

...

**a collection of bruises **

...

...

Fen falls in love in a forest, with rain in the sky and an angel at her feet.

She lies about it later, of course, when Reani asks. There’s no point in making that pretty head of hers even bigger than it already was.

“I thought you were an idiot,” Fen says, and well – she’s _mostly_ telling the truth. “What kind of person goes all the way out there in a storm?”

“You did,” Reani says, smiling. She’s leaning back against the comfortable cushions of Fen’s couch, arms sprawled wide across the back. There’s nothing in Fen’s place that she hasn’t touched.

Fen rolls her eyes and sits down next to her, leaning her head against Reani’s shoulder. Out of the corner of her eyes, Reani’s freckles catch metallic on the lamplight. Fen resists the urge to play connect-the-dots across her soft skin.

“That’s different,” she says. “That’s my job.”

Reani pets Fen’s hair. “It’s my job, too.”

Fen just rolls her eyes and pulls away. It’s an old, worn argument between them now. She doesn’t know half the time whether she wants to strangle Reani or kiss her senseless.

“What do you want to dinner?” Fen says.

Reani’s face lights up. Her eyes are as bright as stars.

“Let me cook,” she says, pushing Fen back onto the couch and bustling into Fen’s small kitchen. Her house isn’t very large or well furnished, but it’s comfortable. “It’ll be a surprise.”

“This is my place,” Fen says, half-laughing, but she lets herself be manhandled. It’s nice. She likes this, with the gold glow of Reani warming the room. There are flowers budding along the ceiling, ivy crawling not-so-stealthily along the doorframes. Coming down into the city had always been a trip riddled with anxiety, what with the chill, and the dark, and the lack of green things. Reani changed that. Reani changed so much.

There’s the sound of pots and pans clashing together as Reani gathers up her ingredients, and then her head pops out through the doorway, halo an ever-present beacon. “Why do you keep complaining?” she says, hair falling invitingly across her shoulders. “You can’t cook.”

Fen bares her teeth. “You take that back.”

Reani laughs and backs away. “I’ll try not to make it too spicy for you!”

“You _take that back_!”

…

…

Reani doesn’t come home.

_It’s fine_, Fen tells herself, tired from work and ready to pass out on her mountains of blankets. _Everything is fine. There’s nothing to worry about_.

Her shoulders ache. She’s been shooting arrows all day, on and off the practice fields. There are always monsters sniffing around topside, and she had pulled the ‘short straw’, as it were, for being based above ground for the past week. She’s returned home to a cold house and a colder bed.

Fen shucks off the looser pieces of her armour onto the sitting-room table and looks around for a note. Reani always leaves _something_ – she likes leaving little things for Fen to find, tokens of their relationship. Fen has a whole scrapbook of _I love you_’s squirrelled away underneath their bed, hidden from prying eyes.

Nothing.

Fen chews her bottom lip. She’s tired. Reani is probably just staying over at the place she’s renting from Ava. It’s conveniently located, close enough that Umagorn can keep an eye on her. There’s no reason to panic.

Fen re-buckles her wrist-guards and slings her bow across her shoulders, quiver of arrows heavy at her hip. It won’t hurt to just check.

Umagorn’s place is a far enough distance that Fen is regretting her panicked impulse by the time she arrives. Even the semi-brisk jog she had broken into halfway there hadn’t done anything but make her more aware that her blood feels like it’s clotting in her veins. She wants to go back to bed. There’s a chill from above she can’t seem to shake – every time she goes topside, snow always seems to pipe through her bones.

“Fen,” Umagorn says when he sees her. “About time.”

Fen closes her eyes and counts back from five. “Where is she?”

“I don’t know,” Umagorn says. His ever-present scowl is tinged with uncharacteristic worry. Behind him in the shop, Dylan scurries around. Fen gives her a discrete wave. “But you’d better go and find your girl quick. Word’s out that there’s a bounty for the Lightbringer’s head.”

“I was gone for a week,” Fen says. She’s so tired.

“That’s all it takes, apparently,” Umagorn says. “Go and find her before she gets into worse trouble.”

…

…

The first time Reani comes back injured, she’s bruised blue from stomach to knee, three ribs broken and an eye black.

“What did you do?” Fen says, hands fluttering a half-inch over Reani’s body. She’s used to seeing injuries, but not like this – not in the safety of her house, painting across someone she loves.

Reani just grins at her through a split lip. “Don’t worry about it,” she says. “I got the bad guys.”

“I’m sure you did,’ Fen says, getting up from her kneeling position to go and grab her medical supplies. Her hands barely shake as she begins wrapping up the ribs, which she counts as a victory. “I think they got you a bit, too.”

“it’s not so bad,” Reani says, petting Fen’s hair as Fen works along her body, fixing what she can. “You should see what I did to _them_.”

“Vigilantism is technically illegal,” Fen says.

“I know you guys do really good work,” Reani says. “but I can help out too. There’s a lot of evil down here.”

“I know,” Fen says with a sigh. “Just be careful.”

“I’m not going to die,” Reani says, rolling her eyes. “You worry too much.”

Fen smiles, thin and bloodless. “Probably.”

…

…

(the next time she comes back injured, it’s with a broken leg).

…

…

Fen finds her covered in blood.

Her eyes are wide and her blade is bright, her halo reflecting off the silver metal. Fen stops in the entrance to the alley, panting. She’s been running for almost fifteen minutes, and exhaustion is battling with the adrenalin gushing through her veins.

Reani puts her sword away and stretches her arms high above her head, letting out a satisfied groan when something in her shoulder _pops_. She turns her back on the bodies fanning out around her and comes up directly to meet Fen’s eyes.

“Oh,” she says. “You’re back.”

“Reani,” Fen says, unsteadily.

Reani smiles, bright. She skips over to Fen and leans forward to kiss her on the cheek.

“I missed you,” she says. “I didn’t think you would be back until tomorrow.”

“Reani,” Fen repeats. “Are you – that’s a lot of blood –”

“It isn’t all mine,” Reani says. “Don’t worry.”

Fen shakes her head and then grabs onto Reani’s shoulders, scrutinising her. It’s everywhere. Her clothing is caked in it.

“You can’t walk outside like this,” Fen says. She’s shaking.

“I’m almost finished with my patrol,” Reani says. “You look tired. I’ll come home soon, okay?”

“No, Rean – that’s a lot of blood, you can’t just –”

Reani laughs at her, and in the space between Fen’s heartbeats there’s a massive wolf standing in front of her. The halo glows bright above Reani’s head. The wolf leans forward to press her wet nose up against Fen’s stomach, pushing her towards the exit of the alley. _Go home_.

“Come with me,” Fen says.

The wolf smiles with the biggest, sharpest teeth that Fen has ever seen. Then she’s turning and dashing away, leaving only bloody footprints in her wake.

…

…

If there’s one thing Fen regrets about her current choice of residence, it’s the weather.

There aren’t enough blankets in the world to keep the heat _in_ and the chill _out_. She knows this: she’s tried. The first time Reani came back to sleep in Fen’s house, she couldn’t stop laughing at the frankly ridiculous amount of fabric layered on top of the bed.

“How do you _sleep_ like this?” Reani says, peeling back the blankets to get to the mattress.

Fen stands at the doorway and crosses her arms over her chest. She doesn’t say anything.

Reani dumps half the blankets onto the floor. Fen’s bones are already aching.

“Come here,” Reani says.

“No,” Fen says.

Reani laughs at her, collapsing backwards in a boneless heap against the pillows. She stretches out her arms invitingly.

“C’mon,” she says, smile wide. “I’ll keep you warm, I promise.”

Fen sighs and shuffles forward, so that her knees are hitting the mattress. Reani grabs onto her wrist and pulls her down onto the bed, flipping her over so that she’s sitting heavy on top of Fen’s stomach.

“See?” she says. “Was that so hard?”

Fen tries to push her off. She twists her head so that she doesn’t show Reani the grin that’s threatening to crack along her face. “Get off me.”

Reani reaches down to tickle Fen’s ribs. Fen bits down hard on her bottom lip to keep from shrieking out with laughter, squirming away. “Get _off_,” she says, between heavy breathing. “You’re too – too _heavy_ – stop it, Reani!”

Reani laughs right along with her as Fen’s composure breaks, bright and beautiful. She relents and rolls off Fen so that they’re lying side-by-side. Fen can feel the heat emanating from Reani’s skin all the way through her pyjamas like a second sun.

“I love you,” Reani whispers into Fen’s lips.

Fen snuggles closer to kiss her. She’s never felt so warm.

…

…

Reani is a hero.

Fen’s known this for as long as she’s known _her_: Reani is incredible, and beautiful, and brave. She’s the kind of person to do good for good’s sake, to fix what she can a break what she can’t. Reani is good with a terrifying kind of intensity, one that makes Fen’s teeth ache.

She’s also _really fucking stupid_.

“You can’t be serious,” Fen says.

Reani shakes her head dismissively, pursing her lips over the contents of their shared wardrobe. Fen’s things are neatly folded to one side, armour stacked high and old weapons wrapped in cloth. Reani’s side is a mess of colourful fabric things and white, so much white. Fen has nightmares about spilling ink on Reani’s dresses.

“I’ll be fine,” she says. “It’s only for a few weeks. The Steeple –”

“They’re _idiots_ if they think they can just waltz into the Savalirwood –”

“They’re not just _waltzing_ there,” Reani says patiently, pulling out a spare dress and shoving it haphazardly into her travelling pack. “I’m going with them.”

“No you’re not,” Fen says.

Reani glances up at her, face unimpressed. “They asked me. I said yes.”

“They _ask_ – of course they did, what was I thinking. There’s no way you’d come up with this by yourself. Reani, please, listen to me – the Savalirwood is a bad place.”

“I’ll be fine,” Reani says. “I’m really powerful. Samliel believes in me. He’d tell me if this was a bad idea.”

“_I’m_ telling you that this is a bad idea,” Fen says. She crouches down to look Reani in the eyes. “It’s dangerous out there. This won’t end well. Stay here, keep _here_ safe. With me. Like you promised.”

“I’ve told you before,” Reani says. “I’m supposed to help people. I’m supposed to do good. I’m supposed to destroy evil.”

“You can do that _here_,” Fen says.

Reani lets out a small huff of annoyance, getting to her feet and walking past Fen and towards the kitchen. Fen clenches her fist, presses her nails _hard_ into her palms, and then follows her.

“We need to talk about this,” she says.

“What’s there to talk about?” Reani says. She opens the cupboard and begins pulling out various foodstuffs, checking the wrapping before tucking them into the sides of her pack. Fen knows from painful experience that she always keeps hard rations nestled at the bottom – even after all these years, her toe still occasionally twinges in cold weather. Which is all weather around here. “I’m going. I’m going to keep them safe.”

“No one comes back from there alive,” Fen says. “It’s cursed.”

“It isn’t my time to die yet,” Reani says. “Samliel –”

“Would you _stop_ With Samliel for just one minute and _listen to me_?” Fen shouts, breathing heavily. “If you do this, we are _over_ I’m _done_. If you go, you’re going to _die_ and I can’t watch you do that to yourself.”

Reani stares at her for a long time, not blinking. Her eyes are wide, and bright, and the glow with a golden intensity that sets fire to the freckles that cover her body. Fen’s muscles freeze. She can’t move.

Slowly, like she’s in the middle of a dream, Reani reaches up to tangle her hand through Fen’s hair, brushing her fingers lightly along the line of her cheekbone. She leans up to kiss her.

“Please,” Fen whispers into her lips.

Reani pulls back. “I’m going.”

Fen closes her eyes. There’s something hot and heavy in her throat, acid wash against her cheeks. “Don’t bother coming back here, then,” she says, and walks away.

…

…

The injuries get worse, and worse, and worse.

Fen fools herself, sometimes. _It’s a phase_, she thinks, curled up around Reani’s broken body and holding her close. _She’s reckless, but she’s not stupid. She’ll figure this out_.

Reani comes home with this:

Bruises. So many bruises.

Broken bones, bloody fingers, blue-black smiles. Her teeth stained red, her eyes gold as the sun. Limbs twisted out of place, collarbones cracked and throat crushed. Cheeks swollen, chest slashed, back bent forward and face screwed up in pain.

(there are so, so many more).

_It’ll get better_, Fen thinks, Fen hopes, Fen prays.

Until she can’t do it anymore.

…

…

“I’m going to marry you one day,” Reani says.

They’re tucked safe in Fen’s bed, tangled together so tight Fen doesn’t know where she ends and Reani begins.

Fen laughs softly under her breath. “You have to ask me first.”

“I know,” Reani says. She doesn’t say anything else.

“Are you asking me now?”

“Not yet,” Reani says. “It’s got to be _perfect_. But I’m going to marry you.”

Fen closes her eyes and breathes Reani in. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I somehow?? managed to get 2.3k out of a five minute interaction?? someone send help please
> 
> this was legit written when i still didn't have the correct spellings for half this stuff so forgive my inaccuracies
> 
> come scream about these two with me on [tumblr](mnemememory.tumblr.com)


End file.
